A Quick Guide to Avoid Head Hopping

CEOLSIGE

Head Hopping: What not to do.

“It’s spelt grey,” said Bertha, slamming her fist down on the restaurant table. “G-R-E-Y.” How was Barnaby dense enough to believe otherwise?

Barnaby looked into Bertha’s beady, unintelligent eyes and seethed. “No, it’s spelled gray. G-R-A-Y.” He felt ready to up and leave her sitting there at the diner.

Close-Third Person: What you can do.

“It’s spelt grey,” said Bertha, slamming her fist down on the table. “G-R-E-Y.” Barnaby was such an uncultured idiot. Why was she even hanging out with him?

Omniscient: What you can also do.

“It’s spelt grey,” said Bertha. “G-R-E-Y.”

She couldn’t wrap her head around how stupid Barnaby was, and he felt the same.

Standing from the table, Barnaby slammed the cash for his meal onto the table. “That’s it; I can’t stand your pretentious spelling habits another moment. I’m going to the theater alone.” He felt…

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Weird Shit I’ve Had to Google

CEOLSIGE

Bullshitting has its limits.

There is a lot of advice out there that says you should only write what you know, and even more that says to write anyfuckingthing you want.

The problem with the former is that most of us are less exciting than the stories we create, and the problem with the latter is that if you get it wrong, someone is going to be uncannily quick to point it out and leave you a scathing review about how unbelievable it is.

So, here are a few of the things I have had to Google in order to write my current in-progress novel:

  • What does human meat taste like?
    And, when that only yielded a particular result…
    What does raw human taste like?
  • How long does it take for blood to replenish?
  • Intravaneous Immunoglobulin
  • Dogs sniffing out diseases
  • Direct blood transfusion
  • Rolled steel factories in Texas
  • Where is…

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Me, Myself, and I

I don’t know if this is the case for all other English speaking countries, but here in the US, kindergartners know how to use “me” properly in a sentence. For example, “Please call me if you need anything.” We continue to use “me” correctly right up until someone, usually a teacher, tells us sometimes “me” [...]

House Hunters OutBid

HGTV made me think house hunting was going to be so fun. It is not fun. House hunting blows. Let me tell you why --but first, a preface! I’m Generation Y. A millennial. My expenditures on frivolities, such as avocados to smooth over toast, have made it difficult to come up with the funds to [...]

Where I Kick Ass and Where I Suck Ass in Writing

I've ventured back to Scribophile to get some of them sweet, sweet critiques. And boy, I got critiques. My first chapter of my novel went over so much better this time around (it's been rewritten) than the first eighteen trillion times I submitted it. Now that it's not just one big ocean of hatred (I [...]